The Loneliness of the Season: Managing Depression Around the Holidays
As the holiday season unfolds, streets light up, and festive songs fill the air, creating an ambiance of joy and togetherness. Yet, for many, this picture-perfect scenario stands in stark contrast to an inner reality of loneliness and depression. The holidays, often idealized as a time of warmth and family gatherings, can instead amplify feelings of isolation and sadness for those struggling with mental health challenges.
This period, characterized by shorter days and colder weather, can intensify these challenges, making the festive cheer feel distant and unattainable. Society's portrayal of the holidays as a time of unbridled happiness and social gatherings can further alienate those feeling disconnected and blue. The pressure to feel merry can become an additional burden, deepening the sense of loneliness.
Understanding that this experience is more common than often acknowledged is the first step towards managing holiday depression. This blog aims to delve into the nuances of holiday-related loneliness and depression, offering a beacon of hope and practical strategies for those navigating this difficult terrain. By exploring the roots of these feelings and providing actionable advice, we hope to light a path toward a more emotionally manageable holiday season, even amidst the challenges.
Understanding Holiday Depression
If you are feeling the holiday blues, you are not alone. The American Psychological Association determined that 38% of people surveyed felt their stress increased during the holiday season, which can lead to feelings of holiday depression, anxiety, or even physical illness. For those who struggle with pre-existing behavioral health conditions, like depression, this season can present an even more significant challenge. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 64% of individuals living with a mental illness felt their conditions worsened during the holidays.
The cause of the holiday blues, or depression, is multifactorial. First, the quality of our relationships and our connections to others can be fraught during the holidays, leading to depression. While some New Yorkers are bustling through the city, bouncing from one vibrant holiday party to another, many others who suffer from depression may lack the kind of rich social connections that help to make the season bright. The holidays often exacerbate feelings of isolation or loneliness as we experience the delights of the season without loved ones or the kind of companionship desired. Observing the intimacy and connection of other family units, friend circles, or romantic partners as we engage in holiday events can trigger the holiday blues, magnifying our loneliness.
Beyond the relational triggers for holiday depression, there are also geographic factors. In a place like New York, the holiday blues often coincide with seasonal depression. During the winter season, New Yorkers have limited access to daylight hours and reduced exposure to sunlight due to the cold weather that keeps people indoors. This lack of natural sunlight can trigger seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a more severe form of the holiday blues. At Healthy Minds NYC, our team of New York-based psychiatrists often recommend home remedies for the holiday blues to help boost your mood and regulate your sleep cycles, such as getting outdoors daily for a brisk walk, utilizing an artificial sun lamp, or taking nutritional supplements like Vitamin D.
You can find more suggestions for beating the holiday blues due to seasonal changes in our blog article “4 Simple Ways to Beat the Winter Blues in New York City.” However, consulting with a psychiatrist or your therapist is often the best place to begin to determine the severity of your depression and get the help you need if loneliness is overwhelming you. More targeted treatment options, like the innovative Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) Therapy, might be more helpful solutions to resolving your feelings of depression.
In addition to the changing weather affecting our mood, depression during the holidays may also be the result of financial stress. The glitzy store windows of Bergdorf Goodman on Fifth Avenue may signal wonder and gifts galore to some people living in New York. However, the pressure to buy expensive presents or the disappointment of not receiving your desired gifts can lead others to feel the holiday blues. Remembering the reason for the season can be a helpful strategy to avoid depression by leaning into the non-monetary aspects of the holidays.
Once January arrives and New Year's Day becomes a faint memory, we find that many New Yorkers still struggle with the holiday blues or depression that was triggered during the early winter months. Some people experience post-holiday depression upon reflecting on unmet expectations during the holiday season. The sudden suspension of celebratory events and returning to business as usual can feel like a challenging change of pace for some professionals who enjoyed time on vacation to return to work. The joy of quality time spent at home with family recedes as loneliness fills its place with professional obligations resuming.
Some feel post-holiday blues as a result of comparison to others. Social media and its generally idealized portrayals of the holidays can deepen feelings of inadequacy. The voyeurism of watching other people’s holiday celebrations can leave an ache of disappointment that, for some, intensifies into holiday depression. If you suspect that your discontent and sadness during this season are beginning to interfere with your life, it might be time to connect with a therapist to explore your options for treating depression.
Self-Care Strategies to Combat Loneliness
Being by yourself is not inherently wrong, even during the holidays. At Healthy Minds NYC, we have clients who relish the quiet of the holiday season because instead of experiencing loneliness, they find they can reconnect to themselves and recharge when there are fewer social demands on their time during this season. These clients understand that being alone is not the same as feeling loneliness or experiencing social isolation. Loneliness is the feeling of distress that can accompany being alone or separated from others, while social isolation is having a lack of supportive connections or social contacts surrounding you.
A key strategy to reduce loneliness and depression during the holidays, whether you’re physically alone or not, is to focus on self-care. While it’s tempting to combat loneliness with destructive coping devices like alcohol or substance abuse, disordered eating, or simply numbing out by watching Netflix or scrolling social media, it’s more beneficial to develop healthy coping skills. Alcohol consumption, in particular, can be a dangerous outlet when feeling lonely or experiencing social isolation due to its propensity to worsen depression. Instead of self-medicating, when you’re feeling lonely, experiencing depression, or battling any other mental health issues, care for your mental health by spending time on activities that fuel you.
To cure loneliness, Healthy Minds NYC Co-Founder and Life Starts Now author Chanel Dokun recommends creating a “P.E.P. Cycle” as a simple way to replenish your physical, emotional, and psychological energy routinely. During life coaching sessions or therapy sessions with clients who are suffering from seasonal affective disorder or the holiday blues, our therapists will often begin by outlining a self-care plan to provide immediate relief. At the same time, we work on longer-term mental health strategies.
To build your own P.E.P. Cycle, identify a handful of physical activities to get your body moving. It’s helpful if some of these activities can reliably be done in isolation so you’re not dependent on another person to replenish. Focus on beating loneliness by using your time alone to prepare healthy meals, exercise, and get adequate sleep. Surprisingly, a good night’s rest can impact your mental health to a significant degree.
Next, prioritize your emotional health by processing your experience of loneliness in a reflective and self-soothing way. Mindfulness practices when feeling lonely can help you tune into the present and all the good you have in your life, even amid social isolation. Since temporary seasons of loneliness can cause some people to catastrophize, fearing they will continue feeling lonely long into the future, staying grounded in life’s current reality can help alleviate the stress of ruminating on what-ifs. Social media accounts share tips and techniques to practice mindfulness during mental health awareness month. The holidays are a great time to seek suggestions for new breathing practices, progressive muscle relaxation strategies, journal prompts, or other similar types of mindfulness content as a healthy way to use social media for your mental health.
Lastly, pay attention to how you care for your psychological health when loneliness feels all-consuming. Notice your thoughts about loneliness and, as author Brené Brown often says, be careful of the story you’re telling yourself about isolation. Keep a journal and maintain a steady routine to keep yourself focused on habits that feed into your larger life goals. A morning routine like the Reclaim the Morning practice can be a practical daily tool to help you mentally re-center before the start of your day.
Seeking Connection and Support
Social connectedness is a vital part of your emotional well-being. While it’s okay to be alone for a time and focus on self-care, part of overcoming loneliness and depression will require the development of social support. Humans naturally desire to seek out social connection and build healthy relationships. Relationship Expert Sheehan D. Fisher of Northwestern Medicine emphasizes, “Social support is a very important part of being a human, and therefore when social relationships break down or are damaged, it can have a big impact on our mental health and well-being.”
To foster social support, devote some time during the holidays to volunteering for a local charity, attending community events around the city, or participating in online forums. Volunteering is a unique way of seeking connection because as you support others, you receive social support. Hope for New York lists several organizations with volunteer opportunities you can support this season. For example, they have ways you can sign up to support Restore NYC, which offers mental health support, social connection, and social support services for female survivors dealing with the grief and trauma of sex trafficking.
If you’re experiencing loneliness this year, taking advantage of the social support you may already have in your circle of family or friends is also helpful. Be open about your struggles and lean on your relationships for emotional support. Even if it feels difficult, ask for support. Here are some ways you can communicate your need for social support:
Lead with vulnerability. It can be scary to be honest about your emotional struggles and ask for social support. But being open and truthful about the degree of loneliness you’re experiencing will better position you to receive the social support you desire.
Listen with empathy. Even though you’re asking for social support, understand that the person you’re speaking with may have struggles and needs for support. Remember how your expression of need for support may be received by the person you’re sharing with based on their life circumstances.
Remain open to influence. As you share your feelings, you may find that the suggestions your loved ones make for social support may not be what you expected or hoped to hear. Stay open to advice and consider if their ideas for ways to get more social support could align with your lifestyle.
In addition to seeking social support with family and friends, you can also reach out to a New York City psychiatrist or therapist to get professional support for your mental health condition. At Healthy Minds NYC, we offer a free consultation with our Care Coordinator so you can get therapy support quickly and efficiently. According to Mental Health America, 12.2 million adults report having mental illness but are unable to get treatment despite their efforts to find support. Finding care can be challenging, so at Healthy Minds NYC, we prioritize simplifying getting help so you can feel better faster.
You don’t have to suffer from the holiday blues this season. If you’re experiencing loneliness, schedule a free consultation with our Care Coordinator today by visiting http://www.healthyminds.nyc/freeconsultation.
