How Premarital Counseling Can Save Your Marriage Before It Starts
Marriage is one of the most significant milestones in a person's life, symbolizing a deep commitment and partnership. However, maintaining a healthy and successful marriage requires more than just love and affection. It demands effective communication, mutual trust, and a solid foundation of understanding between partners. This is where premarital counseling comes into play.
Premarital counseling is designed to help couples prepare for marriage by addressing potential challenges and fostering strong communication and conflict-resolution skills. For professionals in New York, who often face unique pressures and demands, premarital counseling can be particularly beneficial.
In this blog, we will explore the myriad benefits of premarital counseling in strengthening relationships and preventing potential conflicts. We will offer insights into how counseling can lay a solid foundation for a successful marriage, enhance communication, and build trust between partners. By understanding what to expect from premarital counseling and how it can prepare you for marriage, you can take proactive steps to ensure a thriving, harmonious relationship.
Understanding Premarital Counseling
“Premarital counseling can increase your marriage success by 37%.”
Premarital counseling is a form of couples therapy designed to help you and your partner prepare for marriage. In premarital counseling sessions, you work with a therapist or coach to gain tools and insight that strengthen your relationship and allow you to identify any blind spots before you tie the knot. Unlike couples therapy, which is typically centered on addressing stressors in the relationship, premarital counseling is more proactive and preventative while also addressing underlying dynamics that may cause future tension. Research shows that participating in premarital counseling can reduce your chances of divorce and increase your relationship satisfaction by over 30%.
Couples can pursue several approaches to establishing a healthy relationship when preparing for marriage. The following are standard options for premarital counseling and support for engaged couples in New York City:
Reading Relationship Books
Some couples choose to prepare for marriage privately by investing in relationship books they can read together. If you’re looking for recommended reading on marriage, visit this ItList of suggested relationship books from our practice’s Relationship Expert, Chanel Dokun. You and your partner can select a book together, discuss each chapter, and explore how the subjects may apply to your relationship.
Taking an Online Assessment
Some couples would like external input on their relationship. However, they’d like to process the information on their own. A great option in this case is to take a research-based therapeutic assessment for your relationship, such as the Prepare-Enrich assessment or the option from SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts). We offer access to both assessments at Healthy Minds NYC if you want to get a birds-eye view into your compatibility in crucial relationship areas.
Getting Support within A Faith Community
If you have a religious background, you might schedule a meeting with a leader in your particular faith institution to discuss the foundational principles of marriage according to your belief system. Remember that while many faith leaders offer excellent guidance on the intersection of religion and the institution of marriage, not all are trained in relationships. Many of the couples we counsel at Healthy Minds NYC choose to meet with their pastor or other religious leader while also participating in coaching with a professional to learn healthy relationship skills.
Participating in a Group Workshop
Occasionally, there are group workshops around the city for couples to prepare for marriage alongside other engaged couples. Workshops may include a variety of teachings, couple exercises, and times of sharing where couples can exchange best practices as they learn how to create a satisfying marriage. At Healthy Minds NYC, we periodically offer group premarital counseling workshops. Ask our Care Coordinator about participating in our next gathering.
Meeting with a Couples Therapist
The best option for premarital counseling is to meet with a trained mental health professional. At Healthy Minds NYC, we offer a four-session Marriage Prep Program that gives you access to an online relationship assessment and structured sessions with our Relationship Coach. You’ll get customized support, building on your strengths and finding new ways to grow together as a couple to create a sustainable marriage.
Benefits of Premarital Counseling
The benefits of premarital counseling start immediately in your first session. While premarital counseling intends to help you build a healthy marriage, you’ll likely find that your relationship increases in intimacy and connection after you first begin a program with a coach. Taking the time to connect and grow in your relationship skills intentionally can foster a posture of vulnerability, empathy, and hope that increases your desire for one another in the short and long term. Below, we’ve outlined some specific benefits couples point to receiving due to premarital counseling sessions.
Enhancing Communication Skills
The foundational skill you’ll learn in premarital counseling is how to communicate better in a relationship. Most marriage prep programs include some education on avoiding blaming, speaking clearly and assertively, and listening with empathy. Even couples who love each other very much could use help learning to connect more positively in routine conversations and moments when tensions run high.
“Positive communication may not have been modeled to you by your caregivers growing up, or your current relationship challenges may have left you more than a little tongue-tied, ” writes Hilary I. Lebow for PsychCentral. During premarital counseling, you’ll learn techniques and exercises to improve communication so you can weather complex topics like financial disagreements, sexual preferences, and how best to spend time together.
Strengthening Trust Between Partners
Premarital counseling is often a dynamic time that includes trust-building activities and discussions to increase your satisfaction with your partner. Your coach knows how to strengthen trust in a relationship by helping you and your partner connect more intimately around core issues. During your sessions, you’ll discover more of your partner’s values and perspective around important aspects of married life, such as finances, relationship roles, or parenting. As you expand your knowledge of your partner and co-create a plan to address these areas in your future life, you’ll feel more confident and trust in the relationship.
Identifying and Resolving Potential Conflicts
One of the most valuable parts of premarital counseling can be the opportunity to address unresolved conflict areas and prevent future disagreements. Sometimes, engaged couples fear talking about challenging issues in premarital counseling sessions and make the relationship mistake of avoiding tough topics because they want to avoid causing problems before the wedding. However, premarital counseling is the exact time to illuminate potential areas of disconnect before being legally wed. Your relationship coach can help you learn strategies to address conflict when it inevitably arises, such as how to de-escalate an argument when you’re struggling to resolve it. You’ll also talk about typical conflict areas, like in-laws, spirituality, and household responsibilities.
Setting Realistic Expectations
When was the last time you and your partner really got to dream together about the life you want instead of just a beautiful wedding? In premarital counseling, you’ll look beyond your wedding day to build a shared vision for the future. Your coach will guide you through conversations that help you verbalize your desires for marriage and family so you and your partner can work together to create the life you want.
What to Expect in Premarital Counseling
Preparing for marriage will look different depending on where you decide to get premarital counseling. Below, we’ve outlined a typical Marriage Prep Program for a couple at Healthy Minds NYC.
Before You Begin Premarital Counseling
At Healthy Minds NYC, you’ll receive a free consultation call with our Care Coordinator and with your direct Relationship Coach so you can establish your goals and preferences. Since our program includes four 90-minute virtual sessions, you’ll create a basic meeting schedule with your coach and complete your intake paperwork. You’ll also get access to the Prepare-Enrich online relationship assessment to begin thinking about your strengths and growth areas as a couple.
Meeting Your Coach
In your first session, your coach will learn more about you and your partner. You’ll have a chance to share how you met, what initially attracted you to one another, and any highlights of your relationship. Your coach may ask questions about your marriage philosophy to ensure you’re all aligned on goals for the program and the kind of marriage you ultimately want to create. The results of your relationship assessment will be discussed, and you’ll receive a couple's workbook to enjoy before your next session. Your coach’s role is to guide you toward a deeper connection and leverage their expertise to help you prevent future hardships. The aim of your coach is not to make you conform to any predetermined conceptualization of marriage.
Between Premarital Counseling Sessions
Many conversations you’ll have during premarital counseling take time to explore. Your coach will assign growth assignments between sessions, offering you and your partner time to connect more intimately around subjects privately at your own pace. Couples describe these catalytic assignments as rich times of connection that deepen the program content and allow conversations to happen organically.
During Premarital Counseling Sessions
“54% of respondents believe that having a partner who is in debt is a major reason to consider divorce.”
Each session with your coach will differ slightly based on your unique relationship and marital goals. Our Relationship Coach is trained as a marriage and family therapist who previously specialized in working with high-conflict New York City couples. She often integrates therapeutic tools beyond a standard program that are effective for couples at any relationship stage.
Common topics covered include:
Communication techniques
Conflict resolution strategies
Family dynamics and expectations
Sexual intimacy and Love Languages
Completing the Marriage Prep Program
After completing your four sessions, you can add additional sessions or follow up with your coach after your marriage. You or your partner may also decide to try out different kinds of therapy, like individual therapy or life coaching, to continue on the path of personal development.
You’ll receive a completion certificate, and your coach will connect with you in the weeks after the program to celebrate your relationship. Many couples schedule a marriage enrichment session with their coach for one year after their wedding day. This is a fantastic way to honor your growth in marriage and get additional support to steer your relationship in the right direction after you’ve jumped the broom.
